had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize