we have pet lesbian snakes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You are a genius and a whore.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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