my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
