whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
