Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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