my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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