My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
