The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
