Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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