Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
