ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
