so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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