I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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