Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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