Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
