i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm at about main and main street
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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