Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
