i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My ATM looks so different sober.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
