I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i've created a new STD.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
