The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
