He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker