NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.