why didn't you poke me back
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.