I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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