Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just googled if crying burns calories
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.