We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
