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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.

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• (607): View more from New York

  Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

  (607): View more from New York

  Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.

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• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation

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• (898): View more from

  Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice

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• (+81): View more from

  I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.

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• (805): View more from California

  I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.

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