i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
