it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
