Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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