I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
