I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
