sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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