I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
God, I missed his penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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