I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
