does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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