I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
