I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
