He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
