I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
