this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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