BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
