Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
