It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
