capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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