Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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