Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
