An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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