Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
