your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
