Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
