Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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