Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
