I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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