look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
