Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
