Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
being pregnant is like rehab
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
