I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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