She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
