We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
