Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
