I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
