my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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