how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
